From a political perspective, it seems we are slowly turning back to traditional values, deeply disillusioned by democracy and capitalism. Although women are freer than ever, they are also more dissatisfied. Hyper-independence and the rosy promise of climbing the capitalist hierarchical ladder, though attractively packaged, conceal a harsh truth. Women have power and bravely reclaim their painful pasts and rights, yet they are more disconnected from their authentic selves than ever. Focused on careers and achieving the success and recognition they have long yearned for, carrying the heavy burden of their oppressed ancestors, women have become revolutionary, competitive spirits. In their fierce journey, they have unconsciously let go of the small things that define them as women—beautiful feminine energy, gifted by Mother Earth herself; the desire to nurture and comfort; the wish to be mothers; their tenderness and creative spirit that comes so naturally to them; the unconditional love and kindness that flow through the veins of every woman, now bound by rigid limits.
This reality is clearly reflected in American society, especially in the heart of the capitalist empire: men in the U.S. are getting passports and traveling to Eastern Europe and Asia in search of more "traditional" women. The reason? American women have become simply unyielding: cold, acidic, and unapproachable. Of course, it's easy to puff ourselves up with pride when hearing such comments. These are arrows that pierce deeply into our egos, causing a dull and all-too-familiar pain—the same pain we feel when hearing phrases like, "A woman could never be president; it's not her role in society," "A woman can't be a good driver," or "A woman can't be an exceptional scientist," and so on. What do all these statements have in common, and why do they hurt equally? Because, regardless of their wording, they ultimately convey just two words to a woman's ears: "You're inferior."
It is difficult not to feel inferior—or at least out of place—when you are born into a society not built for you. When you're surrounded by idols and role models that go against your nature, your life revolves around a single goal: to fit in, to be accepted and respected. To climb, to assert yourself, to claim the power that was brutally stripped away for so long. To prove you're equal to the men who rule, who have the power to make or break. Even at the expense of your own happiness.
The root of this problem, in my opinion, lies in the acute lack of healthy representations of femininity in society, history, mythology, or religion over the millennia. How can women have the courage to be themselves, to feel safe embracing their femininity, when the idols surrounding them—respected and adored—reject and disregard all principles of their femininity? When the society they live in recognizes and rewards only competition, action, stoicism, and reason—the very definition of masculinity?
Making a brief digression, the same issue can easily be observed among discriminated minority groups. You’ve probably noticed in recent years the trend advocating aggressively for the inclusion of a Black or LGBT+ character in any film, regardless of the narrative thread. It's simple—everyone seeks recognition, idols that represent them as they are, and above all, for those idols to be accepted by the collective consciousness (remember when Halle Bailey was chosen to play Ariel in The Little Mermaid?).
Returning to women, a mere glance at religion and mythology reveals how few stories center around women. And those that do, upon closer inspection, are written by men. What does this mean for the feminine spirit born into this world and seeking role models to follow?
It means they will look up either to men or to women crafted through men’s perspectives. Take, for instance, the Virgin Mary, one of the few celebrated women in history and religion: the embodiment of purity, virginity, innocence, and maternal spirit. A model for women, yet fragmented, unfortunately. The innocence and virginity represented by the Virgin are just one part of the feminine spirit—a part labeled over many centuries as "desirable," while other aspects of femininity were swept under the rug and crudely reduced to the archetype of the whore.
With such a fragmented perspective on what it means to be a woman, we embark on life. And throughout this journey, we seek only safety and permission to be ourselves as God created us.
Psychologist Carl Jung said that within every person exists, on the one hand, the spirit of their biological sex (masculine or feminine), which comes naturally. On the other hand, there is also the energy of the opposite sex, manifesting in the subconscious: Animus for women and Anima for men. Today, we’ll discuss women’s Animus and how it has become a safety net for adapting to the patriarchal society we live in. From a simple subconscious manifestation, Animus has become the identity of many women today. And where does it all begin? Where everything begins: in childhood.
A woman is born into a man’s world. As a child, she is praised when she is brave, strong, and determined. She sees how feminine traits—gentleness, sensitivity—are ridiculed. She feels it firsthand. I remember from my own childhood how, despite loving pink, I pretended for a long time that blue was my favorite color. I had learned that pink was “for girls”—and not in a good way.
It is during these early years of life that separation from femininity occurs.
The woman begins to unearth masculine qualities within herself and makes them part of her personality. It is not a pleasant process, nor is it a change that comes naturally. She crushes her true identity, and from the remaining shards, she embraces the one who reflects back the desired image. Her masculine side, Animus, is the only part of her being that aligns with the idols of the society she inhabits.
The next step is to seek allies— other souls to confirm her new identity. As a child, she turns to those closest to her, her parents, seeking their approval. However, often, the mother cannot support her daughter, and the rupture between the two becomes yet another confirmation of the uselessness of femininity to the girl. Whether she allies with her father and together they disparage the mother for her feminine qualities, or she is rejected by her masculine mother for her vulnerability, the girl sees, to some extent, a rival in her mother.
The girl grows up and recites the lesson she has learned by heart from those around her: to become an independent and strong woman. She climbs the hierarchical ladder of capitalism, studies hard, works tirelessly. She faces various obstacles and rejections, constantly reminded that she is inferior—fuel to the fire. Animus flourishes and takes over. You can see it shining in the eyes of any young woman under 30 today: the determination with which she defends her rights, the ambition driving her to work and study hard, the fear or aggression toward men...
And she achieves the much-desired success. But at the cost of her inner peace.
What do you do when you achieve everything you thought would make you happy and fulfilled, yet at the end of the day, all you feel is bitterness? A woman's unhappiness takes many forms: perhaps she has an extraordinary career but feels lonely, or she becomes Wonderwoman. Wonderwoman—a woman with a successful family and career, who knows only work, both at home and at her job. The restless woman who cannot bear to sit still and do nothing...
The woman who goes against her nature for so long and inevitably breaks down.
Exhaustion, depression, and apathy set in. What’s the point if nothing you believed would make you happy truly fulfills you? An endless search for greater meaning begins...
It’s painful to realize that you’ve spent your entire life wearing a mask, striving for admiration and approval from others while neglecting yourself in the process. I recall witnessing a woman confront the Animus that had guided her life. She was in her 30s, perpetually dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, with mostly male friends. Rational, cold, grounded. Smart and strong. But deep within, behind the ego, was a sad little girl who just wanted to be heard. Once the protection of the ego faded, disoriented and tearful, that little girl now exposed could only say, "I don’t know who I am anymore."
She had forgotten. She had hidden behind the strong and combative Animus for so long that she had simply forgotten who she truly was. And where do you begin the search for this lost self once you realize it’s gone? What’s the best method?
If Animus has grown by feeding on the external world and everything it offers, femininity is rediscovered by turning inward, delving into one’s depths. This marks the beginning of a long and not necessarily pleasant journey but a necessary one. It’s challenging to reconnect with femininity when you’re not even sure what it looks like. The woman turns inward, seeking solitude for peace and quiet. The change is too abrupt—all the allies Animus gathered and trained throughout her life now strike back at the newly emerging woman. She faces harsh judgments for the changes she’s undergoing.
Beyond the pain and suffering, an unstoppable desire emerges to reconnect with her feminine side. Then comes the desire to heal the mother-daughter rift. Because when a woman rejects her mother, regardless of how she was, she is actually rejecting a part of herself. Forgiveness and acceptance toward the mother bring to light the repressed parts of the woman’s soul. And then, little by little, everything begins to improve.
However, I want to emphasize that Animus should not be dismissed either. Yes, the heroic journey of every woman is to separate Animus—or the ego, if you will—from her identity, in whatever way she chooses to do so. The separation from the ego is a process that I believe everyone must go through in life.
But it should not be demonized. The ego, Animus, is part of us—a protective mechanism that helped us survive the environment we grew up in. And like everything else on this Earth, these mechanisms come with both strengths and weaknesses.
In women’s case, Animus is the power that gives them the will to work and assert themselves. It is the creative force and ambition that reside in their souls. It is the impulse that pushes them to pursue their dreams. Women need it as much as they need their femininity.
Animus, with its large and easily wounded masculine ego, must learn when to step back and let the true woman shine. Above all, a woman must understand that being herself, being feminine, is not equivalent to being inferior. It’s okay not to know everything, and she is neither stupid nor inferior to men because of this. Surely, Animus will continue to fight every time it feels wronged—but it’s enough to recognize it, to pinpoint when it takes over, to regain control over it. Over time, it will soften and bare its teeth only when necessary.
I know it’s not easy. It’s difficult not to take it personally when some men belittle you for everything you represent. But if you, as a woman, have never had the chance to understand what femininity truly means, how many men do you think have understood it? Far too few. They, too, consumed by their egos and misled by the patriarchy, belittle others to feel accepted and validated themselves.
It’s not about determining who was first—the chicken or the egg. It’s not about finding a scapegoat, whether men or women are to blame. It’s about understanding each other, realizing that we are disconnected from our authentic selves. And the change you seek will always blossom when you set aside pride and take the first step toward it.
I challenge you to think about the last time you felt attacked, your ego wounded by the words of a man. Can you observe your Animus? How did it react? The next time it awakens, pay attention to it. I assure you that you will learn to see things from a different perspective.
