In Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Carl Jung confesses: "I feel very strongly that I am under the influence of things or questions which were left incomplete and unanswered by my parents and grandparents and more distant ancestors. It often seems as if there were an impersonal karma within a family, which is passed from parents to children. It has always seemed to me that I had to answer questions which fate had posed to my forefathers, and which had not yet been answered, or as if I had to complete, or perhaps continue, things which previous ages had left unfinished."
Often, when we are sad or facing situations we don't know how to handle, we feel alone. Alone because we feel we have no one to share our problems with, alone because we feel misunderstood. In reality, however, we are never alone, whether we like it or not. We all have parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, even if they separated, passed away, or we never even had the chance to meet them.
Although they may not be physically present or actively involved in our lives, their existence cannot be denied. Sometimes, we wish we had the magic power to change our parents—to find better ones, less manipulative, less aggressive—but that is impossible, and perhaps not even desirable. Surely, we wish we hadn't had an alcoholic father or a mother who abandoned us, but without their existence—flaws, vices, and all—we would not be the beings we are today: courageous, resilient, rising every time we were knocked down. Of course, there are also those parents we would wish for in ten lifetimes to come—the loving, kind, and gentle mother who was always by our side, in whose arms we always felt at home, and who was our role model in life.
Why does it bother us that our ancestors didn't vanish into the void upon death, that they are right beside us? Precisely because we don't see them, we don't feel them, we don't know many of them, and perhaps we wouldn't even like them. Furthermore, if they are beside us, why didn't they help us when we needed them most? We have expectations of others, and this makes us skeptical, even indifferent, regarding their existence beyond physical death.
I used to want to dream of my father so badly that I prayed every night for him to come into my dreams and guide me, to give me advice from the wisdom I assumed everyone suddenly acquires upon entering the Kingdom of Heaven. How many times did I need just a word of encouragement from him! I wanted him to tell me he was watching over me, taking care of me, that he knew everything I was doing, and especially that he knew my troubles.
And I did dream of him, but in mundane settings, as if it were just a normal day having trivial conversations. Back then, I only thought of myself, of my needs, without understanding that our paths, though united, were moving in different directions and that we had different tasks, different missions—me here on earth where I felt he had abandoned me, and him in the heavens. I saw him with my earthly eyes, with a mindset that couldn't transcend the limits of physical existence. I even wondered if, from where he was, he could see the beauty of the starry sky, and in my frequent chats with him, I would tell him to look at the stars through my eyes. In my mind, only concrete, tangible, visible things mattered.
Years later, I discovered how naive and even selfish I was, believing that only I mattered and only I needed help. But that is not the case at all; our ancestors need a great deal of help, too. Our healing is what heals them, and more importantly, it heals our descendants. Breaking a karmic thread is so necessary and beneficial for the entire generation that it is a pity to be complacent, to ignore the spiritual side of our existence hidden behind the daily grind that steals our time for reflection.
Many of us have followed our parents' destiny without realizing or desiring it. A girl with an abusive father will most likely choose a similar partner, a faithful copy of the father. Why? Because patterns exist! Because behind the choice of a life partner lies our entire childhood and personal history. Looking at our parents' relationship, we make choices for or against it, often unconsciously.
Entire studies in psychogenealogy claim that we often choose our partner by replicating our parents' relationship or its exact opposite. We frequently encounter the Victim – Rescuer – Persecutor triangle (the Drama Triangle). Someone whose life script casts them in the role of the victim, no matter how much they suffer, will almost always have a "persecutor" partner who, in turn, is looking for someone with a psychological profile that complements their own.
Can we speak of Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim becomes emotionally attached to the abuser, even justifying their attitude? Or could it be a curse? If we can explain diabetes or cancer appearing on the maternal or paternal line for several generations as genetic, how do we interpret a fatal accident occurring to multiple family members when they reach a certain age? And if a curse exists, what can we do about it?
As with any problem, the first step to resolution is awareness. It is accepting that something is wrong and then having the desire to seek solutions. It helps nothing to blame our mothers, for example, for accepting a life of misery beside our fathers. We might wake up one day to find ourselves, without realizing it, in the same seemingly dead-end situation.
We change nothing by judging, hating, or holding resentments. With wisdom and love, we can see that we are no better than others, that we are all part of a huge family that isn't perfect, but upon which we have the chance and possibility to intervene—healing it, healing our roots so that we can become the most beautiful and healthy tree in the world, with wonderful leaves, which will be our children.
Sergey Lazarev proposes a prayer for removing negative karma inherited from ancestors: "Remove, Lord, from my lineage the transgression against the love of God, the renunciation of love for loved ones, the grievances against parents, the dissatisfaction with one's own destiny, the suicide attempts, the regret for the past, and the fear of the future."
When we are born, an entire family history is already written. Parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents, each with decades of life, with everything it offers: inner struggles, betrayals, disappointments, illnesses, troubles, but also happiness, love stories, hope, trust, and success. The past, present, and future are the same thing on a subtle plane; the sufferings of our forebears are in the depths of our souls, and upon us, in turn, depends what happens to our descendants.
When we talk about ancestors in therapy, we mostly refer to the last seven generations. Iulia Kravchenko, author of Healing Loneliness, believes that the seven generations represent the seven energy centers (chakras) and that each generation influences certain aspects of our lives.
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1st Generation: Us.
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2nd Generation (Parents): Responsible for the formation of our body; they transmit family teachings.
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3rd Generation (Grandparents): Responsible for our intellect, skills, and talents.
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5th Generation (Great-grandparents): Responsible for safety and security in life.
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6th Generation: Ensures the connection with traditions.
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7th Generation: Determines the land/country where we live.
Depending on the major problems we face, we can figure out which generation we need to repair our bond with. Healing our soul cannot happen without starting from the foundation, at least from the seventh generation up.
Curses appear as early as Genesis. When Adam and Eve violated God's command and ate from the forbidden tree, the serpent, the woman, and the man were cursed. For ancient people, curses and blessings were incredibly important factors for their well-being. When a blessing came upon a family, a supernatural power began to establish the course of their life and that of future generations. When a curse came, they knew another force was at work.
These curses involved the use of incantations, magic, and spells. But when we say "curse" today, we refer not just to these practices—Ouija boards, crystal balls, palm reading—but to our intention when we say or think something.
Our thoughts have extraordinary creative power. They are not lost; they do not fly away in the wind once spoken. They fix themselves; they calcify onto the receiver. Not necessarily on the person they are addressed to, but on the one whose vibration matches the curse, or the one who responds in the same manner. The power behind a curse is a dark one that binds someone significantly. Curses destroy our well-being, peace, and health, and are an obstacle to our spiritual evolution.
That is why it is so important to observe them, to realize that something is wrong, even if we don't know where it comes from or where it all started. Once the situation is acknowledged, healing has already begun, and we have many tools to help us. The most accessible solution is prayer, coupled with forgiveness and understanding.
The scars in our life will remain—we cannot turn back time—but they will no longer hurt. The curse is broken consciously once we stop living in ignorance and indifference, blaming everyone else for what happens to us except ourselves. By healing the soul, the mind and body also heal, and emotional disaster is replaced by acceptance, love, trust, and peace of mind.
The healing process is not easy because traumas are painful and have caused much suffering to us and our loved ones. But we cannot hate the rain just because it got us wet. It has already happened; we will wipe away the raindrops and continue our journey—we will not stop because of it. Forgiveness is not an easy process either, but we must understand that our ancestors lived in different times, had different educations, different intellectual and spiritual limits, and that was all they could do then: live and make mistakes, just as we do in our turn.
There is a law of nature and science, the Third Law of Motion, also known as the "Action-Reaction Principle," which says that the harm caused to others hurts us as well. That is why striving to forgive others and directing only thoughts of peace and love toward them constitutes a protective act for ourselves.
New trends in psychotherapy are beginning to look beyond the individual's trauma. They include traumatic events in family history as part of the whole picture. Tragedies such as abandonment, suicide, or the premature death of a child, parent, or sibling can send shockwaves of suffering from one generation to the next.
Recent developments in cell biology, neurobiology, epigenetics, and developmental psychology support exploring previous generations to understand the mechanisms behind repeating patterns of trauma and suffering. In an attempt to show that trauma can pass from one generation to another, Rachel Yehuda, a professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York, proved in her research that descendants of trauma survivors carry the physical and emotional symptoms of traumas they did not experience directly.
Inherited family traumas cannot be erased, but they can be "deactivated," so to speak. Depression, anxiety, chronic illnesses, phobias, obsessive thoughts, PTSD, and other debilitating conditions sometimes do not find resolution in classic therapies or medication because the source of the symptoms—the cause of the condition—has not been discovered, precisely because it does not lie in our own personal story.
The transgenerational curse should not be understood as an open wound that must bleed for generations and destroy the entire lineage. It is like a spiderweb that stretches further and further, seeking to get out, to be released. Even if a story remains hidden in years of silence, it comes from the past to find resolution in the minds and bodies of those living in the present.
Bert Hellinger, a renowned German psychotherapist, developed the Family Constellations approach, demonstrating the psychological and physical effects of family trauma inherited over several generations. Once the inherited family patterns that keep the cycle of suffering alive are identified, this cycle can be stopped. The place we come from—our huge, entire family—affects the direction in which we are heading, and what remains unresolved in our past influences our present. We cannot separate ourselves from our family story, no matter how much we might want to; it is in us, and we are part of it. Rejecting our belonging to our family only distances us further from ourselves and produces even more suffering.
In Family Constellations, it is possible to encounter members of our family, known or unknown. Some have been deceased for years. Some are not even relatives, but their suffering or cruelty may have altered our family's destiny. It is very possible to discover secrets that were meant to be buried deep and forever. But regardless of where we end up in this exploration, we arrive at a new place in our lives, at peace with ourselves.
A Ritual of Gratitude and Release Because writing liberates us and allows us to clearly express our desires, we can perform an exercise and write our ancestors a letter to express our gratitude. You might say something like this:
"Today I want to honor my entire family, especially my ancestors. I come from you. You are my origin. By arriving before me, you eased the path I am on today.
Today, I give a place in my heart and in my family system to each of you. I honor those who did good and those who made mistakes, those who left and those who stayed, the good and the less good, the rich and the poor, the successful and those who failed, the healthy and the sick, those I knew and those I never met. I honor each of you and am grateful for your life experiences that have been passed down to me.
I regret if I ever violated the law of love, if I did not respect or love you enough. I also regret that I did not respect or love myself enough. I thank especially those of you who were excluded for any reason or circumstance. I know I wouldn't be here without you being there, in the past. I carry all these stories with me in every step I take and in everything I do.
From this day forward, I will take every step with my right foot alongside my father and his entire family. I will take every step with my left foot alongside my mother and her family, respecting everyone's destiny.
Through your honor, I claim my right to be a healthy, successful, loved, loving, and abundant person. I will raise my family name and my roots high, as a sign of respect and gratitude. Thank you, Father; thank you, Mother; thank you to my ancestors! Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for weaving the path for me. Thank you for your beauty and your immense dreams, which today are my reality.
From here, with complete love, I bring light to the sadness that existed generations ago. I bring light to the anger, the premature departures, the unspoken names, and the tragic destinies. I give light to the arrows that cut paths, whether they made our road easier or harder. I kindle light and joy for the tragic stories repeated over generations. Here and now, I give them over to consciousness and self-recognition. I give light to the constraints and the misdeeds. I give light to the unspoken things and the family secrets. I light a candle for the stories of violence and the separations between couples, letting time and love bring reconciliation.
Here and now, I sow new hopes, joys, possibilities, honor, dedication, love, and goodwill. May seven generations back and seven generations forward be covered by a rainbow of light, healing all relationships and the energy of my life. With infinite gratitude, I thank everyone who contributed to this journey."
